There are some things that are magnified when you are in a relationship with a person from a different country and culture. I have been with my wife for over 15 years. Her first language is not the language we communicate in. My first language is not the language we communicate in. So, as you can imagine, there have been some serious misunderstandings over the years. I am certain we still don’t know about some of them.

So, what made the difference in our relationship? What makes it possible for us to keep going after all this time? In my opinion, being intentional about communicating clearly plays a huge part.

Healthy relationships of any kind are based on trust, empathy, and clear communication. Even well-meaning people can eventually fall into habits that compromise connection. But, with awareness and practice, you can correct these mistakes, leading to stronger bonds and more fulfilling interactions.

So, here are 5 common communication mistakes that can hurt your relationships:

1. Not Listening Actively

One of the most damaging communication habits is failing to truly listen. And it isn’t always intentional. Instead of focusing on what the other person is saying, we may be planning our response, checking our phone, or letting our mind wander (or stressing over some other problem we have to solve). This leaves the speaker feeling unheard and undervalued.

Fix it: Practice active listening. Maintain eye contact, nod, and paraphrase what you’ve heard to show you’re engaged. Even a simple “I hear you” can make a world of difference.

2. Criticism Instead of Constructive Feedback

We really should be better at taking criticism. But we’re generally not. Instead, criticism often feels like an attack, especially when it focuses on someone’s character rather than their behavior. For example, saying “You’re always so lazy” is far more hurtful than “I’d appreciate it if you helped with the chores.”

Fix it: Focus on specific actions, not personality traits. Use “I” statements—like “I feel stressed when the dishes pile up”—to express your needs without blame.

3. Stonewalling or Shutting Down

When conversations get tough, some people withdraw completely. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Just cutting things out when they don’t make sense to you. This “stonewalling” can leave the other person feeling abandoned and frustrated. While taking a break to cool down is healthy, refusing to engage altogether erodes trust. Sometimes, making a point of going back to the subject later is enough to show the other person that you are serious enough about your relationship with them that you will take time to clear things up, even when you would rather not.

Fix it: If emotions run high, agree to pause and revisit the conversation later. Communicate that you need time, but reassure your partner that you’ll return to the discussion.

4. Dwelling on the Past

Whether we acknowledge them or not, we often carry past hurts with us for years. This is so damaging to our present wellbeing. Even worse, bringing up old arguments during new disagreements is a recipe for resentment. While past issues may still sting, constantly revisiting them prevents progress and keeps relationships stuck in negativity.

Fix it: Address unresolved issues directly, then let them go (I know, it’s not as easy as I make it sound). Focus on solutions for the present rather than rehashing yesterday’s battles.

5. Poor Nonverbal Communication

Your words are important, but so is your tone of voice, your facial expressions, and your body language. A sarcastic tone or crossed arms can contradict spoken words, leaving the listener confused or hurt.

Fix it: Be mindful of your nonverbal cues. Align your body language with your message—smile when expressing appreciation, soften your tone when discussing sensitive topics.

Why These Mistakes Matter

Communication is the lifeblood of relationships. Missteps like criticism, stonewalling, or failing to listen don’t just cause misunderstandings—they chip away at trust and intimacy. By recognizing these patterns, you can replace them with healthier habits that foster connection, empathy, and mutual respect.

Quick Tips for Better Communication

• Pause before reacting. Take a breath to avoid saying something you’ll regret.
• Ask clarifying questions. “What do you mean by that?” shows curiosity instead of defensiveness.
• Express appreciation often. Positive reinforcement strengthens bonds.
• Set aside distractions. Put down your phone during important conversations.
• Practice empathy. Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective.

Resources for Further Reading

If you’d like to dive deeper into communication strategies, here are some excellent resources:

• Psychology Today: 5 Communication Mistakes That Ruin Relationships
• Times of India: 9 Common Communication Mistakes Couples Make and How to Fix Them
• Aspire Atlas: 12 Communication Mistakes You’re Making in Your Relationship
• InTouch Family Counseling: 4 Communication Problems in Relationships & How to Fix Them

Final Thought: Communication isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, respectful, and willing to grow. By avoiding these five mistakes and practicing healthier habits, you’ll not only strengthen your relationships but also create a more supportive and joyful environment for everyone involved.