Be honest: it’s happened to you too. You had plans to go out with your friends in the evening but… work is stressful, you’re tired a lot of the time, and that place they wanted to go to is kind of expensive. So, you made up an excuse and didn’t go.

Then months go by, you get busy, so do they. Nobody remembers exactly how it fizzled out, but eventually it did. You occasionally remember to reach out with a (lame) text, but it feels forced because you really don’t know what’s going on in their lives anymore. Maybe it was inevitable. You know, responsibilities and all that.

Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures. It’s being able to laugh about stuff even on tough days. It’s having someone around to listen when you need to vent. It’s sharing milestones, big and small, along the way.

However, many adults find that making and maintaining friendships in adulthood is surprisingly difficult. Busy schedules, family responsibilities, and career demands often push friendships down the list of priorities. But there’s good news: adult friendships can be richer, deeper, and more rewarding than those of childhood—if we learn how to nurture them intentionally.

In this post, we’ll explore why adult friendships are different, the challenges of making friends later in life, and practical strategies to build stronger bonds.

Why Adult Friendships Matter

• Emotional support: Friends provide a safe space to share feelings, reducing stress and loneliness.
• Health benefits: Research shows strong social connections improve mental health, lower risks of depression, and even extend lifespan.
• Identity and growth: Friends help us stay connected to our authentic selves, encouraging personal growth and exploration.

Unlike family, friendships are chosen relationships. That choice makes them uniquely powerful: we don’t invest in them because we feel we have to, but rather because we choose to.

How Adult Friendships Differ from Childhood Ones

When my daughter was younger I was always amazed at how easy it was for her (or any other kid) to just run up to random other kids in the playground and say “do you want to play?”. No befuddlement on either side of the conversation. Just completely normal. As you go through infancy and adolescence, friendships seem to happen almost organically as part of the experience. After all, you’re forced into groups or situations where there are other people experiencing the same things, so you’re bound to bond (see what I did there?).

Shared environments made connection easy.

As you grow up and become an adult, things change:

• Less built-in socialization: Childhood and adolescence revolve around group activities: school, sports, clubs. But adults don’t have as many automatic opportunities (and some of us may have never been great at this skill to begin with).
• More responsibilities: Work, parenting, caregiving, and household management leave less free time (or no free time…).
• Higher selectivity: Adults tend to seek friends more intentionally: they need to align with their values, interests, and lifestyles.
• Deeper vulnerability: Childhood friendships may thrive on fun and proximity, but adult friendships often require openness about struggles, hopes, and fears. Opening up to others about the things that challenge you is hard.

This shift means adult friendships can feel harder to start. Once formed, however, they often carry greater depth and resilience.

Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Hard

For many adults, the feeling of isolation and the inability to make new friends is real. Here are some of the most common hurdles:

• Geographic mobility: Moving for work or relationships often scatters old friend groups. Many of the friends I had in high school are now spread out all over the place, making it difficult to find the opportunity to meet up or stay in touch.
• Work-life boundaries: I have a great relationship with my coworkers, but most of the time I never see them outside of work. Professional relationships are tricky. Coworkers may be friendly, but not always “friend material” outside the office.
• Social anxiety: Approaching new people can feel intimidating without the safety net of school or youth activities. Especially when it’s been a while and you’re feeling a little out of practice (I sometimes had this problem when I lived alone: it’s a sort of “hermit syndrome”, where you get so used to being on your own and not talking to other people that you start to feel alienated).
• Time scarcity: How many times do you have breaks in your day where you don’t know what to do with yourself? Most days, I go to bed tired and looking forward to sleeping after a hectic day that doesn’t always feel completely under my control. Busy schedules make it hard to prioritize socializing.

Licensed therapists emphasize that these struggles are normal. Friendship isn’t just “nice to have”—it’s essential for well-being. Recognizing the difficulty is the first step toward overcoming it.

Strategies to Build Stronger Adult Friendships

Here are some practical strategies to help you cultivate meaningful connections:

1. Be Intentional

Friendships aren’t just going to fall into your lap. You have to go out and look for them. Schedule time for socializing, just as you would for work meetings or workouts.

• Reach out regularly, even with a quick text.
• Suggest specific plans (“Want to grab coffee Saturday morning?”).
• Treat friendship as a priority, not an afterthought.

2. Leverage Shared Activities

Shared experiences create bonds. Join a book club, volunteer, take a cooking class, or sign up for a local sports league. Repeated interactions in a structured setting help acquaintances evolve into friends.

3. Practice Vulnerability

Friendship deepens when we move beyond surface-level chatter. Share personal stories, admit struggles, and ask thoughtful questions. Vulnerability invites trust.

There have been times when I was so busy trying to project this acceptable (in my mind) public image of myself that I was unable to connect with people on a more human level. Our connections form when we realize that we are all in the same boat. It’s easy to see other people at a superficial level and presume they aren’t struggling the way we are.

Dare to open up a little about yourself, and you will immediately notice doors opening around you.

4. Be Curious About Others

Of course, if you don’t care about other people you can’t expect them to care about you. Show genuine interest in people’s lives. Ask about their passions, families, or goals. Curiosity signals care and builds connection.

5. Use Technology Wisely

I have several friends I haven’t seen for years. There is an occasional text that feebly attempts to maintain connections, but no opportunity for deeper, in-person connection. We need to remember to use tech as a bridge, not a substitute.

6. Rekindle Old Friendships

Sometimes the best new friends are old ones. Reach out to a college roommate or childhood neighbor. Shared history can reignite bonds quickly. Having lived through formative experiences together puts your friendship in a unique position. And if you’re curious about what happened to them, there’s a good chance they may be curious too.

7. Balance Quality and Quantity

I used to envy those people who had to stop every few steps to say hi to yet another acquaintance. I couldn’t get my head around how you make friends with so many people. Until I realized it just wasn’t for me. I like knowing a few people really well, rather than a huge number of people only superficially. You don’t need dozens of friends. A handful of close, reliable friendships can provide immense support. Focus on depth, not breadth.

Tips for Maintaining Friendships Long-Term

Building friendships is only half the battle—keeping them strong requires ongoing effort:

• Consistency matters: Regular check-ins, even brief ones, keep bonds alive.
• Celebrate milestones: Birthdays, promotions, and anniversaries are opportunities to show you care.
• Respect boundaries: Healthy friendships honor each other’s time, space, and needs.
• Resolve conflicts kindly: Disagreements happen. Address them openly and respectfully. And sometimes, just agree to disagree.

External Resources for Further Exploration

For those who want to dive deeper, here are some excellent resources:

• Psychology Today: Cultivating Friendships as an Adult
• Feelset: How to Make Friends as an Adult – The Complete Guide
• The Chalkboard Mag: Making Friends as an Adult Is Hard—A Therapist Shares How
• Reality Pathing: How to Build Lasting Friendships in Adulthood
• Psychologies: 5 Ways to Build Adult Friendships for Better Health

Final Thoughts

Friendships in adulthood tend to be more of a challenge than in childhood. However, they can be highly rewarding. If you are intentional, vulnerable, and consistent, you will build connections that add to your life in ways professional achievements and material possessions never could. Real friendships are not just about companionship, they’re also about a sense of belonging, resilience, and joy.

So, give it a try: send a message, join a group, or invite someone out for a coffee and a chat. The friendships you make today will help shape your tomorrow.