Your words are powerful. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this in my life and just kept going, not really absorbing the message. The way you talk to yourself, to others, about yourself and others, and what you talk about: like a divinity in your own little universe, your word is what makes your reality. And if this sounds a little out there to you, stick with me a little longer and let me explain.

You don’t need to see this as something supernatural. It’s more of a practical result to a practical attitude. A good starting point is your self-talk. The way you talk to yourself can boost or block your progress. Learning to transform negative thoughts with positive framing is a vital skill you need to actively work on if you want to get out of your rut.

Understanding Self-Talk

Self-talk is your internal narrative. It’s the story you tell yourself, continuously, about your past experiences and about yourself. It’s the voice in your head that tries to make sense of daily life.

Now, if you believe (like I do) that your mind shapes your reality, you can see how important it is to learn to manage that internal dialogue.

Most people (I say this from personal experience) have an internal dialogue that constantly returns to negative experiences or opinions, focusing on shortcomings and failures. It’s easy to beat yourself up about mistakes that seem so obvious in hindsight. That’s the problem with hindsight: it’s facing the wrong way.

How Positive Framing Helps

When you think back on past experiences, positive or negative, there’s one thing they have in common: you’re remembering them wrong. The fact is, remembering any event is kind of like rewriting it in your mind. Each time you rewrite it, you change things slightly. If the memory is associated with a particularly challenging event or change in your life, your memory gradually changes to confirm this trauma. This is one way you can end up in a negative loop of bad self-talk and low energy.

I get it: you’re probably thinking I want to convince you to pretend nothing bad ever happened to you, or something along those lines, but bear with me…

Positive framing is not about ignoring past mistakes and pretending everything has always been great. It’s about shifting the focus of how you remember to a more positive approach. It’s not about pretending your business never failed, it’s about understanding why it failed, and coming up with positive feedback on what you can learn from these past experiences and how they made you the better, wiser version of yourself you are today.

We all make mistakes, all the time. Some people learn from those mistakes and keep striving for a more positive future. Others dwell on the negative and get trapped in the negative cycle. Which one do you want to be?

I’ll bet you’d rather be motivated, happy, and resilient.

How to Change Your Self-Talk

1. Become Aware

The first step is becoming aware of your internal dialogue. See how you’re being hyper-critical about yourself even when it’s uncalled for? That’s it, right there: that’s the bit you need to change. If you’re not supporting yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Think of this part of the process as a simple exercise in attention. Like when you want to buy a new car and you suddenly see that new car everywhere. Just begin to notice the thoughts. They’re already there, you’ve just been selectively overlooking them.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts

As your awareness increases, you’ll catch yourself saying things to or about yourself that you hadn’t noticed in the past. When that happens, ask yourself if you really believe what you’re saying, and why. Consider whether you’re being fair, or if you’re letting negative energy bring you down.

Think of it this way: my grandmother was always a firm believer of only speaking positively about family members in public. She said you couldn’t let the home team down. Many people would understand this concept so much more than they would understand applying it to themselves. The thing is you are your own home team. So, don’t let yourself down.

• Transform Them by Adding a Positive Spin

Substitute any negative thoughts you “catch” with something more positive. For example, don’t say “I can’t do it”, but rather “I can learn to do it”. One of the most harmful beliefs I hear people expressing is “that’s just the way I am”. It’s like giving up before you even start. Simply because you identify with some fixed idea in your mind.

I used to believe I was a smoker. It was terrible for me, but I loved it. I just couldn’t picture myself being any other way. Then one day I suddenly realized… I wasn’t. Years later, the idea sounds completely ridiculous to me, but at the time it had me trapped. I could see no way out, until I did. Changing perspective changed everything, like flipping a switch. Suddenly, I was no longer a smoker. After countless previous attempts to stop smoking that failed miserably, I simply threw my last pack out and never needed to smoke again. No looking back, no cravings. Nothing.

That is the power of positive reframing.

• Be Grateful

Make a habit of expressing gratitude for the things that are going right in your life. Make a point of shifting your focus. Every day, write down what you are grateful for. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the hard stuff.

I’ve noticed that I struggle with this point more than I imagined. I very often forget how fortunate I am. I work hard to achieve things: buy a car, move to a new apartment, new clothes, good food – the same things everyone else is working for. The idea, while I’m working on it, is to have all these beautiful things to share with my family. Often, though, by the time I get them I have already shifted my focus to the next thing I need to “achieve”, forgetting how far I have come. In the long run, it can be exhausting.

I don’t expect you to write a journal every day if you don’t feel inclined to do so. It’s more about practicing the habit and changing your way of looking at the world. Take the time to notice what a beautiful day it is. Appreciate the presence of other people in your life. Celebrate even small wins.

It’s all part of being more aware.

• Immerse Yourself in Positivity

You must make a point of seeking out positivity in your life. Read inspiring books, listen to uplifting podcasts. Find out what gets your juices flowing and surround yourself with that thing. It’s an energy issue. You become what you surround yourself with.

Make a habit of associating with positive people and limiting your interactions with negative people. Their positivity will make you more positive, and your positivity will make them more positive. You will lift each other up rather than bringing each other down.

Don’t just listen to the radio aimlessly while you drive to work. Choose a podcast and listen to that, or maybe an inspiring or educational audiobook. I love music. I listen to it. I’m just more selective about how it makes me feel.

Conclusion

Positive self-talk and positive framing are all about changing your perception of life and shifting your energy to a more abundant and receptive wavelength. That might sound all woo-woo, but when you take a moment to think about it, it’s just common sense. And I have no doubt you’ve experienced it first-hand at least a few times in your life.

This is a powerful tool for your personal development. When you transform your self-talk, you change your point of view, improve your mood, and give yourself an extra boost toward reaching your goals.

You also enjoy life more, regardless of your situation.

Here are a few links to get you started on further research:

Positive or Negative, Our Thoughts Shape Our Lives | Psychology Today

How to Turn Negative Thoughts Into Positive Actions

Understanding The Framing Effect & The Power Of Perspective